Even when you've done all the research, picked a great community, and made the move with love and care, it's not uncommon to hear your parent say: "I made a mistake" or "I want to go home."
Hearing that can be heartbreaking, especially after what was likely a long, emotional process to get there. If your parent is expressing regret about moving into assisted living, you're not alone - and you're not helpless either. This post will guide you through how to respond with empathy, patience, and the right kind of support.
Why Regret Happens (Even When It Was the Right Decision)
Regret often stems from more than just the facility itself. It’s tied to a major life change. Leaving home can feel like giving up independence, control, and identity. Your parent might also be grieving the loss of familiar routines, neighbors, or even a beloved pet.
According to research published in the International Journal of Aging and Human Development, adjustment to assisted living is a process that typically takes several weeks or even months. Regret is often part of that journey.
What to Say When They Say “I Want to Go Home”
It's tempting to immediately reassure them or try to talk them out of their feelings. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is listen without jumping to fix the problem.
Instead of saying, "You’re just adjusting" or "Give it time," try:
- "Tell me more about what you’re missing."
- "What has been the hardest part so far?"
- "I hear you. I want to help make this feel more like home."
This validates their feelings without making them feel dismissed. It also helps you better understand what’s really bothering them - whether it’s boredom, loneliness, confusion, or something else entirely.
If you're having trouble starting these conversations, check out our guide: 10 Points to Talking to a Parent About Moving into Assisted Living.
How to Ease the Transition
Here are a few things that can help your parent feel more settled and supported during this adjustment phase:
- Visit regularly - even short visits or calls can make a difference
- Bring personal items that feel like home: photos, blankets, or favorite books
- Encourage participation in group meals, events, or simple routines to build familiarity
- Get to know staff so your parent feels more connected and safe
- Talk about the good gently: share observations like "I noticed you had lunch with someone new" without being pushy
For more ideas, check out 7 Ways to Stay Connected After Moving a Family Member Into Assisted Living.
When to Take Action (And When to Wait)
It’s normal to second-guess everything when a parent expresses regret. But most emotional discomfort within the first few weeks is temporary. That said, you should take action if you notice:
- Persistent signs of depression or anxiety
- Refusal to eat, sleep, or participate
- Consistent complaints about care, cleanliness, or safety
In those cases, talk to the care team or director. They may be able to adjust your parent’s care plan, schedule additional check-ins, or offer counseling support. You can also consider a short-term therapist or grief counselor experienced in elder care. The Psychology Today directory is a good place to start.
For tips on emotional recovery during these transitions, see Coping with Guilt After Moving a Loved One Into Assisted Living.
Trust the Process - With Support
Helping your parent adjust isn’t about fixing everything overnight. It’s about creating emotional safety, one small step at a time. In many cases, initial regret fades as your parent builds new routines and relationships.
If they continue to struggle, don’t hesitate to advocate for adjustments - or reevaluate if the facility is truly a good fit. But more often than not, what they need most is your presence, your patience, and your reassurance that they’re not alone in this next chapter.
Want to help ease loneliness? Read 5 Ways to Help Seniors Cope with Loneliness in Assisted Living.
Need help explaining the transition to younger family members? Try How to Talk to Kids About a Grandparent Moving Into Assisted Living.
